Category Archives: relationships

A Tennis Match of He Said, She Said

Posted on March 23, 2010 by mrsloschrohloff| 4 Comments

If you want to be slapped in the face of all your personal character defects and bad behaviors, get married. Marriage is a great teacher of your character if you’re open to looking at yourself. It’s definitely rewarding and challenging. Sometimes it seems like a game of tug-of-war or who will throw in the towel first? My idea of marriage is somewhat traditional with a modern twist. I believe in loving, sharing, supporting one another through good and bad, being a true partner and friend in life. Sounds good right? Practicing these principles and a slew of others can be tricky especially if your other half isn’t a clone of yourself.

Marriage is compromise, acceptance and patience to the infinitum. Trying to have a healthy argument and come to a resolution with your husband can be a difficult process. Recently my husband has been traveling a lot for work, so when he’s home I want us to be happy without arguments. That’s not realistic. We are still two very different people living under the same roof and those annoyances each of us has, haven’t gone away. Even though we both work on acceptance and compromise, our quirks we like and dislike about each other still rub us the wrong way given on our mood level for the day.

This is where the tennis match of “he said, she said” comes into play. Time to break out the tennis shoes and rally. My husband and I rallied a week ago when I approached him calmly with a resentment I had towards him. I was hoping for an adult conversation but it turned into a match. After we both used words in place of a tennis ball to rally back and forth with, we ended the game – he went upstairs and I stayed downstairs.

A good 20 minutes passed, and I really didn’t want to be in a fight with him. These days we have too little time with each other to be arguing. I went upstairs to find him. He was lying on our bed watching television. We looked at each other, smiled and started laughing. We gave each other a big hug and declared truce.

Quite frankly, I don’t remember what we were arguing about. It always seems like the littlest things trigger explosions. If you can learn to play a healthy match of “he said, she said” maybe your marriage and mine has lasting power. It takes awhile to learn the rules and how to play the game with your loved one. Sometimes the rules/game might change but if you can play fairly, then I’ll break out my tennis shoes anytime.

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For the Love of Shoes & Men

Posted on February 10, 2010 by mrsloschrohloff| 6 Comments

I heart shoes…buying shoes, wearing shoes, looking at shoes in magazines and store windows, trying on shoes, and even holding a shoe in my hand. Did I mention that I love shoes? But can shoes take place of a man? Can a pair of shoes love me back? Cuddle with me in bed? Make love to me? Laugh with me? Tell me how beautiful I am? I guess not.

Shoes can make me happy for a few hours in my day. In the case of shoes vs. men, shoes don’t argue, never seem disappointed in me, hog the television, snore during sleep, leave crumbs all over the house and need to be reminded of everything constantly.

On the flipside, shoes can be unpredictable like men. Sometimes they seem to fit perfectly in the store upon purchase but when you wear them out for the night, they end up hurting you. Perhaps you had your “shoe goggles” on when you first spotted them, later realizing they weren’t authentic (i.e., made from real snakeskin, etc.).  After closer examination you found they were imitations, imposters – they lied to you just to get on your feet.

Now in the case of men vs. shoes, men offer quite a bit, contrary to belief. They offer friendship, love, intimacy, kisses when you’re feeling down, warm snuggles in bed, laughter, sadness, sharing experiences together and reminding one another of why we get up each morning and do it all over again. It’s a bond, connectivity, a relationship that shoes cannot provide unfortunately.

I’m not one for being a romantic and making a big deal about Valentine’s Day but this Valentine’s I’m feeling vulnerable, amorous and fond for my husband. This is not my normal state of being but since my husband has been away for work for almost two months straight, I’m definitely missing him and feeling his absence. I’ve looked to my shoe closet to lift my spirits but nothing. Nothing? Even taking a pair of Louboutins out and seeing the red soles didn’t perk me up. Wow, I am truly in love.

After being married for a couple of years, I’ve internally debated the question, “Why did I get married?” I didn’t need the security and having a family was a toss up. I’m a modern woman with a few old-fashioned values and traditions, hence marriage. The number one reason…I do love my husband. Getting married for me was the grand gesture on our devotion to sharing a life together. My husband was opposed to marriage at first. He had “George Cloonism” the perpetual bachelor, a playboy at age 40.

He knew where I stood about marriage and tried to convince me to live together first but I’ve been down that road. Being in my mid-30’s I didn’t need to pull a geographic to ensure I wanted to marry my boyfriend. After 1½ years of dating and 2 months of turmoil, I finally presented my then-boyfriend-now-husband with this, “Baby, I love you very much and want to share a life with you. I want to move forward and get married. If you aren’t ready for this step I understand. I want you to take a week to think about this and let me know where you stand. If you decide marriage isn’t for you, then I’ll need to know and start opening my door to other opportunities.”

One week went by and we commenced. He said, “Well, I don’t want to lose you. Are you sure we can’t live together first?” I said, “Sorry…no.” Then he said, “Okay, let’s do it but what do I do exactly? I’ve never done this before.” I told him to ask me to marry him sometime within the month, it doesn’t have to be a big production and don’t worry about the ring (I wanted to pick it out eventually). A few weeks went by and in the middle of his kitchen he proposed, “Will you do me the honor of being my wife?” It was perfect. He was sweet, genuine, nervous and silly. Just the way I hoped him to be. This feeling and memory I will cherish as long as I live and sadly, no pair of shoes can do the same. Happy Valentine’s Day baby, I miss you and I love you.

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Breaking Up With a Favorite Pair of Shoes

Posted on January 25, 2010 by mrsloschrohloff| 4 Comments

Having to say “goodbye” to a favorite pair of shoes is sad. Not just because they were your favorite but because you’ve invested time and money, and shared lots of love and memories. This was the case with an old pair of Gucci sandals, one of my very first designer shoe purchases. It came to a point where I had to take them in for a tune-up because I tread many miles on my brown slides with signature red and green stripe with gold GG emblem. My sandals seemed to be good to go but they were never quite the same. They started to wear out quickly and needed frequent maintenance. Eventually, it was time to retire them.

I knew the time was coming after the first repair. The months following, I could feel that my GG sandals and I weren’t seeing feet-to-feet or toe-to-toe anymore. They were slipping off whenever they wanted, leaving me in compromising and slightly embarrassing situations. Basically they started to drag me down. The love affair fizzled and it was time to break up.

This is exactly how I felt about certain friendships I’ve ended over the past several years. I’m a woman who finds it easy to make friends with other women. I’m not threatened, insecure or competitive – it’s quite the opposite. I feel inspired, motivated, nurtured, supported and alive when I meet new women and eventually become friends.

The two girlfriends I broke up with, not simultaneously but years apart, were women I shared many laughs, fun times, professional woes, family issues, pet deaths, and boyfriend drama. I understand that people come and go in our lives but girlfriends? Aren’t they supposed to be with you until the day you die? Because I am naturally giving, see the best in a person and give the benefit of the doubt, I might have been in denial of any warning signs indicating my now ex-girlfriends weren’t really great friends to begin with.

As years went on, I realized these two friends weren’t reciprocating the same amount of time, support and love that I was giving. I started to feel irritated and resentful but would shrug it off. After repetitive periods of no phone calls to say “hi” or see how I’m doing, canceling dates, etc. I began to wonder what the heck is wrong? I reached out, yet again, and asked if everything was okay? I always got the same lame excuse, “Sorry, been busy with x, y, z.” We all get busy. I’m busy but still manage to make time for my friends even though I’m married, own a business, do charity work and spend time with my family.

Finally I had a couple of conversations (separately) with these two women and conveyed how I felt about our friendship and that I’m the only one who appears to be reaching out. It seemed they heard me and I heard them and our friendship restored. But like my first repair with my GG sandals, the relationship was never quite the same. I wondered did they drastically change all of the sudden or were they like this the whole time? After deep analysis, I came to an epiphany these two friends were always like this.

Maybe I didn’t care enough about myself at the time to warrant more in a friendship. Maybe I had a lot of fun going out with them that it didn’t matter they were flaky or selfish. Maybe I expected more than they could give. Whatever the case may have been, I didn’t see who they were as an individual. Letting go of these two friendships was difficult but it had to be done. I simply stopped communication to see if they would eventually contact me. They never did. I survived a few months of mourning, was able to entirely let go and then move on.

From time to time I’ll run into these two ex-friends around town, we say our awkward “hellos”, make tiny chit chat, then carry on with our day. My self worth and self love grows more as I get older, allowing me to choose the level of friendships I want with women who enter my life. Setting boundaries for myself make it easier for me to cultivate friendships without resentments. Practicing this principle in my life today is a lot easier than constantly repairing a favorite pair of shoes I’ll eventually have to ditch.

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