Author Archives: mrsloschrohloff

What Shade of Green Are You?

Posted on February 4, 2010 by mrsloschrohloff| 6 Comments

When I get overwhelmed or bored I tend to fantasize what my life would be like if I lived the life of someone else. What would my life be like if I was married to, oh just say for fun, Donald Trump? Or what would my life be like if I was a reality television star? Or what if I was Oprah, Arianna Huffington, Rachel Ray or Heidi Klum?  Or what if I was Susan Casden or Wallis Annenberg (two of LA’s biggest charitable women)? Or what if I worked at a nursery or Starbucks? Or what if I lived in Paris or Australia? Then I ask myself, “Is the grass greener on the other side?”

I’ve had experiences on “the other side” but what I’ve discovered is that there are “many sides” and there are different shades of green. Sometimes another person’s life looks attractive and appealing from the outside but once you live it there’s always pros and cons. I guess this is where the true test lies. To find out who you really are, what you truly enjoy, what jives with you, what doesn’t, your boundaries, etcetera, etcetera.

At one point in my dating/husband hunting career, I sought after the established, at least 10 years older than me, businessman. Since my first indication is to date the hot, romantic musician type I figured why not try the opposite, the other side. First let me preface that my pros and cons of the established older men are based from my experience. Pros: intelligent, charming, pays for everything, owns a plethora of man toys (i.e., boats, planes, cars, motorcycles, etc.), buys nice gifts, travels well, pays for traveling…you get my drift. Cons: has A.D.D., always on the phone, emotionally selfish, usually dealing with an ex-wife and children from previous marriage, doesn’t have time, he comes first and so forth. As you can see, the grass isn’t “greener” just another shade of green.

In my professional life I’ve gone back and forth to working for a company and working on my own. While being an independent PR consultant, I envisioned building my own, small but mighty PR empire. It took me a couple years to do so – where I leased an office, had employees, used a payroll company, owned many computers, had many phones with many lines, and amazing clients that paid well. Again, the grass wasn’t “greener” just another shade of green. There came new stresses to having a fully operating business and other worries I wasn’t privy to. Although I did enjoy the pros of being independent, I gained valuable knowledge and perspective from the cons.

Another “greener” pasture I would daydream about was dedicating my life to charity, being one of those active philanthropic women I read about in magazines. These women always look so happy in photographs. Well…I’m on the board of a charity now and it’s a lot of work! Rewarding but time consuming. Not to mention dealing with many personalities on the board can be energy zapping and head spinning. I do get the warm fuzzies from my charity involvement, so this is something I know I want to continue and do more of.

After watching too many episodes of Kimora Lee Simmons Fabulous Life, I decided I wanted her shoe closet. What would it be like? I slowly built up a nice collection of designer shoes and after 4 years I realized that I have too many shoes and barely wear most of them. In the beginning, I found the process intoxicating – I actually got high after I purchased a pair of shoes. Eventually, my exhilaration turned to disgust. I ended up giving some shoes away to girlfriends and sold some on eBay. At one point I believed that my life would be “greener” having all these fabulous shoes. Currently, I have enough variety that’s manageable in the life I lead today. Don’t get me wrong, I still love to window shop and occasionally buy a new pair but this time I go home and look at what I have first before I purchase something new.

Okay, one last crazy fantasy I’ll share with you that has no relevance to my story – I want to be able to eat a whole entire cake and not get full or gain weight from it. In reality, I know this is seriously not possible because I tried, but it’s something I dream about from time to time.

For me, I’ve learned that life has many sides and shades of green. It doesn’t hurt to take a test drive and find out what shade or shades of green match your lifestyle. Now let’s eat some cake!

Share

→ 6 Comments

Posted in pros and cons

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,

Breaking Up With a Favorite Pair of Shoes

Posted on January 25, 2010 by mrsloschrohloff| 4 Comments

Having to say “goodbye” to a favorite pair of shoes is sad. Not just because they were your favorite but because you’ve invested time and money, and shared lots of love and memories. This was the case with an old pair of Gucci sandals, one of my very first designer shoe purchases. It came to a point where I had to take them in for a tune-up because I tread many miles on my brown slides with signature red and green stripe with gold GG emblem. My sandals seemed to be good to go but they were never quite the same. They started to wear out quickly and needed frequent maintenance. Eventually, it was time to retire them.

I knew the time was coming after the first repair. The months following, I could feel that my GG sandals and I weren’t seeing feet-to-feet or toe-to-toe anymore. They were slipping off whenever they wanted, leaving me in compromising and slightly embarrassing situations. Basically they started to drag me down. The love affair fizzled and it was time to break up.

This is exactly how I felt about certain friendships I’ve ended over the past several years. I’m a woman who finds it easy to make friends with other women. I’m not threatened, insecure or competitive – it’s quite the opposite. I feel inspired, motivated, nurtured, supported and alive when I meet new women and eventually become friends.

The two girlfriends I broke up with, not simultaneously but years apart, were women I shared many laughs, fun times, professional woes, family issues, pet deaths, and boyfriend drama. I understand that people come and go in our lives but girlfriends? Aren’t they supposed to be with you until the day you die? Because I am naturally giving, see the best in a person and give the benefit of the doubt, I might have been in denial of any warning signs indicating my now ex-girlfriends weren’t really great friends to begin with.

As years went on, I realized these two friends weren’t reciprocating the same amount of time, support and love that I was giving. I started to feel irritated and resentful but would shrug it off. After repetitive periods of no phone calls to say “hi” or see how I’m doing, canceling dates, etc. I began to wonder what the heck is wrong? I reached out, yet again, and asked if everything was okay? I always got the same lame excuse, “Sorry, been busy with x, y, z.” We all get busy. I’m busy but still manage to make time for my friends even though I’m married, own a business, do charity work and spend time with my family.

Finally I had a couple of conversations (separately) with these two women and conveyed how I felt about our friendship and that I’m the only one who appears to be reaching out. It seemed they heard me and I heard them and our friendship restored. But like my first repair with my GG sandals, the relationship was never quite the same. I wondered did they drastically change all of the sudden or were they like this the whole time? After deep analysis, I came to an epiphany these two friends were always like this.

Maybe I didn’t care enough about myself at the time to warrant more in a friendship. Maybe I had a lot of fun going out with them that it didn’t matter they were flaky or selfish. Maybe I expected more than they could give. Whatever the case may have been, I didn’t see who they were as an individual. Letting go of these two friendships was difficult but it had to be done. I simply stopped communication to see if they would eventually contact me. They never did. I survived a few months of mourning, was able to entirely let go and then move on.

From time to time I’ll run into these two ex-friends around town, we say our awkward “hellos”, make tiny chit chat, then carry on with our day. My self worth and self love grows more as I get older, allowing me to choose the level of friendships I want with women who enter my life. Setting boundaries for myself make it easier for me to cultivate friendships without resentments. Practicing this principle in my life today is a lot easier than constantly repairing a favorite pair of shoes I’ll eventually have to ditch.

Share

→ 4 Comments

Posted in relationships

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

The Meaning of Baking a Cake

Posted on January 19, 2010 by mrsloschrohloff| 2 Comments

I’ve always had a slight fear of baking and I’m not sure why. Maybe because the three times I’ve tried to bake (cake, cookies, cupcakes) it ended with much disappointment and barely edible. I’m a good chef with meals so I figured I could bake. My mom and sister are great bakers, why not me? Since I lacked baking skills, my bake pans are buried deep in my cupboards, never to make an appearance again. That was until I got hooked watching all these baking shows on television – Ace of Cakes, Amazing Wedding Cakes, The Challenge (not all episodes were on cakes), Cake Boss and Ultimate Cake Off. After watching these shows for a few weeks, I got inspired to bake a layered cake.

I downloaded a recipe for Lemon Cake by Paula Deen from FoodNetwork.com. This recipe looked fairly simple, not too many ingredients or steps to follow, and best of all, I love lemon cake! I was filled with excitement as I bought all the necessities to make this layered cake and couldn’t wait to have a slice and show my proud creation to my husband.

Following the directions wasn’t difficult. Bake time wasn’t long. I thought, “Okay, I think this is going to turn out amazing.” The timer went off and I couldn’t wait to take my cake layers out of the oven. I opened the oven door and there they were…flat and the tops were lightly brown, meaning they were on the brink of burning. I was disappointed. I did see a trick on the cake shows, when a slight browning occurs they simply take a long toothed knife and thinly slice the top off. I was lucky I had such a knife and proceeded to move forward in my baking endeavor.

I did cheat on one step. I didn’t make my own frosting. I figured, “Hey the store has the flavor I want already, so I’ll just buy it.” As I put my cake together, I started to feel accomplished and giddy. Viola! Done! It didn’t look as beautiful as the cake photo from the site and the layers were about one inch in height. I cut a slice and had a taste. It was decent enough to eat, a tad dry. At least I followed through with my inspirational project and conquered my fear of baking.

This baking manifesto reminds me of when I was 22 years old and started my first business, a vintage clothing store in Hermosa Beach, California. The second hand shops I used to rummage through in San Francisco inspired me to open my own store. It was the early 90’s, when grunge was alive and bands like Sound Garden, Alice in Chains, Pearl Jam and Nirvana were changing music history. Used Levi’s were the trend along with Levi cords, original Penguin collared shirts, anything polyester with funky patterns and vintage leather jackets.

Having the entrepreneurial gene, I asked the original owners of Crossroads Trading Co. in San Francisco how they ran their shop and where they bought their merchandise? What was their percentage mark up on items? What do they look for in each piece? What makes it valuable? How do you find the real scores? How can you tell if they are? After doing all my research, I brought my knowledge back home to the South Bay in SoCal. I would drive around the beach areas looking at all the stores and vacant commercial spots. Could I really do this? How much money would it take? I started shopping at rummage sales and off-beat thrift stores deep in shady towns to gather merchandise.

I asked my boyfriend at the time if he thought I could pull this off? I valued his opinion because he was extremely intellectual. He of course asked me all the proper questions that I had answers for, all except for one, “Where are you going to get the money?”  He was right, where was I going to get the money? I wasn’t making much working as a department store sales girl.

I had to do more research. I needed to ask the money question to a couple of successful, multi-millionaire businessmen I had the privilege of being introduced to. One of them said, “If I never took the risk and set aside my fears, I wouldn’t be where I’m at today.” The other said, “Don’t worry about the money, that will stop you in your tracks. It will come just believe in your vision.”

The above advice has never left me and I still live by it today. As I started to gather all my information about location, leases, costs, etc. I presented it to my mother. I convinced her that this would be a wise investment and a good experience for me. Luckily she saw my vision and helped me get a loan. My mom is truly a blessing. It took me about 10 months from conception to inception to fruition.

The night before I opened the doors of my store, Junkyard Exchange, I was anxious and couldn’t sleep. Then a flood of panic consumed me and I started to cry my heart out. I was staying at my mom’s condo that night and she came into my room and asked why was I crying? I said to her that I don’t have any idea what I am doing and why did I think I could open a store? What the hell was I thinking?! She told me that it was too late. I just need to suck it up and go for it. Of course everything turned out fine, I enjoyed every part of owning my store for two years.

Taking risks and setting aside fear gets harder as we get older and reality sets in. I’m in the process of starting a new business this year and yet again all the questions, doubts and fears arise. I just need to stay focused on my goal, believe in myself and my vision, apply the advice graciously given to me in my early 20’s, and know I will supersede all that I have accomplished thus far. My bit of advice to share: Do your research, keep collecting information, be patient and go for it. You can do it!

Share

→ 2 Comments

Posted in fear

Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

Warning: Your Balance Maybe Robbing You of Wearing Your High Heels

Posted on January 13, 2010 by mrsloschrohloff| 4 Comments

I was staring in my closet today deciding what shoe to wear. Let’s rule out the comfort factor for now, just play along. What shoe reflects my inner balance level today? Could I pull of my 4-inch gunmetal, metallic Gucci stiletto? Am I feeling that balanced? Hmm…maybe not. I might fall or twist my ankle and that would be bad. How about my Christian Dior 3-inch black wedge, knee-high suede boots? Still not feeling balanced enough to strut those. What about a kitten heel? That’s low enough. Nah. Okay, what shoe, what shoe? Trust me the lack of shoes isn’t the issue. Ah, my Tory Burch ballet flats. Ballet flats always make me feel level and grounded when I’m not feeling enough balance in my day.

Balancing your day, let alone your life is tricky especially if you’re a woman in today’s world. I’m not writing anything new that we haven’t read or heard already. It’s a reminder that we (women) share the same challenges and feelings.

As a wife, daughter, sister, aunt, business owner, charity fundraiser and whatever else I have on my plate – balancing all these roles can be overwhelming. I enjoy every role and don’t want to subtract any from my list. I believe as women we don’t have to, we just need to choose what roles are a priority for the day (I’m stressing ‘for the day’) so that we can enjoy more balance throughout our lives. With more balance, come efficiency, productivity, a genuine (not forced) smile, some laughter and patience throughout the day. People seem to like me more when I’m balanced, especially my husband and my face thanks me for not adding more wrinkles to it.

Because I’m a professional multi-tasker, as many of us are, this talent can divert me from implementing the practice I just described. So for me, I create a short list for the day. A friend emailed me a form where you fill in your Top Six priorities of the day. This has been extremely helpful in focusing. Of course, things can come up throughout the day that might detour me from my list, but I have a choice to say “yes” or “no”. Okay, okay…yes, at times there might be a no-choice situation that occurs but this is rare and everything usually works out.

If you’re going to create a Top Six list for the day, please don’t forget to include eating as one of the items. Come on ladies, I know we forget to do this frequently because we “don’t have time.” I’m a culprit of the “don’t have time” method. Your list should also have at least one fun/healthy activity that brings a smile to your face – this helps synergize balance, serenity, and patience. It can be something small like getting a frozen yogurt or walking around the block to doing yoga, getting a mani-pedi, walking your dog, watching one of your fav reality shows or having sex. I know what you’re thinking, “I don’t have the time.”

This is where testing your balance skills really come into action. Instead of “I don’t have the time” let’s rephrase to “I’ll make the time.” Why do we short change ourselves constantly and never make the time to balance ourselves on a daily basis? Here’s why: 1) We want it all; 2) We think we can do it all in one day; 3) We feel guilty if we don’t try to do it all in one day; 4) We feel like nobody else can do it. Sound familiar? All of these are valid reasons but might drive us to a nervous breakdown, a serious drinking problem or an early grave.

I believe we can do it and have it all, just not all in one day or two days, or one week. We need to be realistic with our time. I am not perfect by any means but at least I practice balance on a daily basis and if I slip, there’s always tomorrow to start fresh. Another reminder, don’t beat yourself up for not completing everything in one day. This is a trait I have to work hard at. This causes a whole other topic I could write about but not today, it’s not on my Top Six list.

As I’m coming to a close with my story, checking this off my to do list, I notice that I’ve completed my Top Six for the day – eating, getting fresh air (yes, I have to put this on my list), working, catching up on my recorded shows, and writing this story. Wow, funny thing just happened, I suddenly feel more balanced. I think I’ll be sporting the Christian Dior 3-inch knee-high, wedge boots for the rest of my day.

Share

→ 4 Comments

Posted in balance

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

Old School vs. New School

Posted on January 7, 2010 by mrsloschrohloff| 9 Comments

Over the new year holiday I spent a few days with my younger sister, her husband, and my nephew on Catalina Island. My sister was there to help out my aunt and uncle at one of their restaurants since they were shorthanded with staff. My brother-in-law got roped into helping out as well, leaving my five year old nephew to hang out with my aunt. That is until I arrived, then I took over watching my nephew which I always enjoy.

My aunt is the matriarch of my mom’s side of the family (who are Chinese). If you’ve read The Joy Luck Club, that’s pretty much our family. My aunt is  an old school, bricks-n-mortar, Chinese businesswoman. She believes in hard work, long hours and save, save, save. Her ideal life for me, would’ve been to marry a wealthy Chinese man (even though I’m only half Chinese, my dad’s Caucasian) preferably a doctor, live off my rich husband and have one child.

My mom on the other hand is more “Americanized” than my aunt, allowing me to be who I am today – to be happy and comfortable about my choices and decisions in life. She does however agree with my aunt on saving every penny you earn and only spending it for things you need. But on the subject of men, my mom’s words of her wisdom, “Never depend on a man.”

Can you start to see the internal conflict and dysfunction I might be having? That’s just minutely scratching the surface. After many years of therapy, self help books, research, discovery, recovery and what have you…I feel confident of who I am today.

So how could one conversation with my aunt over the new year holiday strip away all of my self worth, self work, and revert me to feeling like a little girl?

Our conversation started out civil until it segued into me not having a child only because she thinks I don’t have enough money to raise one, due to my husband not being a billionaire. Then she mentioned that I need to find a career because PR (public relations) isn’t a career. Without a pause or breath, she carried on about how I’m 38 now and soon I’ll be 50 and can’t live on just Social Security. I need to start saving for retirement but without a career or wealthy husband that’s not going to be possible for me. Mind you, these are her thoughts about my life, not the reality of my life.

After she had her say, I was in shock. I had no smart or diplomatic response which is unusual. I felt like I was getting in trouble. All I wanted to do was defend my life, my choices and tell her I have plans but I couldn’t even do that. I left Catalina Island, nephew in tow covered in negative muck.

This is the part where I should be the bigger person per sé. The part where I have to understand she’s old school and I’m new school (with old school values). On my drive home, I slowly came out of paralysis. I started to go over in my head of what I should have said to my aunt. My head swirled with questions and statements like, “Why didn’t you say this? Why didn’t you say that? You’re an idiot for not saying something more. What’s wrong with you? You’re a loser. You’re a failure. You suck.”

All of my therapy, self help books, research, discovery, recovery and what have you – completely thrown out the window. Her words stung. Maybe there was some truth to what she said. Maybe I felt she thought less of me. Maybe I didn’t want to start my life over just to appease her old school mentality.

I called my mom for some empathy but she wasn’t giving it out. She said, “You know your aunt just wants the best for you. She doesn’t mean to be harsh, that’s just the way she is.” Not what I wanted to hear from my mom.

I was so beat down, I couldn’t pull myself out of this one on my own. I texted my sister’s cell phone a brief synopsis of what went down and she replied back, “I’m sorry. I’m glad you came. Thanks for helping me out. It makes me sad :( I love you no matter what and am proud of you.”

My sister’s words pulled me right out of the spiral I was in. I shed a few quiet tears in my kitchen while my nephew played in the living room. She understood, she was sympathetic.

I guess it doesn’t matter if your views or styles of life fall under old school or new school, we can learn from both if we’re open to it. What matters is the compassion and sensitivity one gives towards another person that puts the icing on the cake.

Share

→ 9 Comments

Posted in family

Tagged , , , , , , ,